It is true that every year when I start my blog, I always promise to write more and start afresh. This year I will not do that but instead I will just do the best I can. One of the reasons that I believe that I have not been able to write as much as I want, I attribute it to Imposter Syndrome.
This has affected a lot of my writing and everyday life (how I handle things to do with responsibilities, friendships, and general day to day routines). I believe it is essential that I start my new year, new blog with a “New themed series” and what better way to start than to talk about the cause of a lot of people’s low moments (statement sounds a bit dark but eh, let’s go).
Imposter Syndrome loosely means feeling like a phony or a fraud, that feeling one has that makes you think you are just there holding a place for someone else and that you will be replaced or discovered soon, Imposter Syndrome doesn’t care for gender, age, demographic, location, or race, it hits everyone in every environment. Others have looked it up and discovered that there are several reasons of why that happens to people.
Imposter Syndrome can be highlighted in our People Pleasing, most would describe this in different ways, others would say boot licking, others call it Kissing babies (when babies cry and one wants to get them to stop, the play on that word, making people happy to avoid issues). I have had my days, who am I kidding, I have had my weeks, months, and years of chasing this. Some can say that this is due to bullying or wanting to belong but in reality, People tend to choose pleasing as a way of maintaining that idea that you are living in a false reality and that you will be discovered. So, the more you people please the more you feel like the act will last longer. This is tiring (take it from me), people are constantly changing for the good or bad but changing they are, and because of that; moods, likes, engagements can change and for a people please that is dangerous because they push that change and blame it on themselves (sort of like I have been caught, the Jig is up). The danger of this is that it removes the individuality that a person can bring to an environment as People Pleasing tends to make one person conform to other people’s expectations, ideologies, needs and goals.
The second one is Paralysis, I used to be stuck in certain situations. I felt that if I change then I will lose everything, remember this is coming from someone that is People Pleasing, this meant that I would put my time, plans, goals, and wishes on hold so that the ones who’s praise, relations, admiration, or adoration I seek are happy with me because I am right there. What Paralysis does is keeps you in one spot, never growing, evolving, innovating; all this simply to maintain a sense of belonging, to feel like you are needed and will be needed always. Once that outcome is not being observed, then shutting down would be inevitable (Scary times these were but we are healing).
Perfection is the third, because you want to people, please and not be caught in the act and in the same breath everything is kind geared towards making sure that you are not caught in the act, so how do you maintain the act, by making sure that you are perfect in everything. Yes, some people can be perfectionist in nature but when it comes to Imposter Syndrome, Perfectionism is a factor or more of like a result of. At the end of the day, you want to maintain a façade, the kind that eats you up when you think about it.
Then comes Procrastination, an avid follower of creatives and innovators alike. People pleasing in the bag and then it has caused a paralysis, which in turn seeks out perfection to feed this beast of a lie that you have created in your mind, so when it comes to your own things you would rather put it off, it is not good enough, I will do it later, I might change the whole thing, this one might do a better job, how about I sleep on it, on second thought let me jog it, cook it, swim it, gym it out and then I will do it. All of this just to not face your own success, not to accept that your own hard work has got you there and you are doing just fine.
Imposter syndrome can be identified by those that self-sabotage, undervalue their contributions, and point their success to outside factors, self-doubt, the ones that set unrealistic expectations, and the final punch being BURNOUT!
We can agree that I have been through a lot at this point but let me not leave you in this gloom, I am currently working on myself and have several ways in which I actively combat or overcome my Imposter Syndrome.
The first battle station is the Patience Box, it is easy to just go back to bed and feel bad or cry (remember men are crying these days and if you are a man and you have not started, you are missing out). One needs to be patient and understand that it is a lot that is going in, a lot that they are taking in and it is ok to fall short and succumb to Imposter Syndrome, some battles are not won on the spot.
The second battle station is Saying No and ready to make mistakes slot, this is where you set healthy boundaries, good communication and foster a healthy,-supportive-caring-understand environment where you are certain of your network and all, but also not always seek out perfection in every work because Perfection in everything is a disease that can have one chasing the wind if they are running every day.
Which makes Asking questions the third station, since we have accepted that we cannot be perfect in everything then it means that there those that are well equipped in something we fall short on and the best way to do the best we can do is ask questions, asking for help and being comfortable with saying “I don’t know, I need help, I don’t understand”.
Lastly it is time to re-invent, re-inventing helps with creating news ways of approaching stuff, it helps with calming down anxiety, it helps with understanding an environment and responding accordingly. It also helps with encouraging healthy challenges and milestones for oneself.
With all that said, have I mentioned that after Southern Chronicle (which I might eventually finish in a podcast because let’s be real, I’m not about to claim I’ll finish that story, haha), I’ve relocated and I’m currently not based in Malawi? I’ve been doing some serious healing and now I find myself in a whole new environment. Stay tuned for the next blog, where I’ll chat about New Found Love: Moving on from Past Hurts. Catch you on the next one, and remember to share, like, and leave a comment <3.
WordsOfWizdom 
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